It Never Rains in Southern California...*Confirmed*

  I spent the last 7 days in California: 4 in the High Desert & 3 in So Cal.  I'm not going to lie, I had a good time.  I prepared for this trip by warning the handful of people I know in the area that I would be there, and asking my boy Andrew what places I should check out via text message...That's it.  No itinerary, no scheduled events...shoot, I didn't even book my hotel room until the day before.  I just went out there to be out there and see what it was about.

Godzilla could really catch them slipping right now

  It started off with a bit of a limp, as a few of my friends had other situations going on (romantic getaway, illness, laziness & cleaning feces...respectively) and were unable to get up with me.  But, as we all know, one monkey doesn't stop the show (In this case, it would be 4 monkeys...not to be confused with the musical group 'The Monkeys', because their absence would stop their show...their TV show that is...you can probably catch it on Youtube...I wouldn't watch it though...but I'm not judging).  I took some time Friday to explore one of the newly renovated malls in Culver City. This mall was ultra modern, I felt like I needed to be on a skateboard to take advantage of the place.

Pic via http://la.curbed.com

   After that, I went to watch the saints pre-season game at a Long Beach sports bar with my home girl Sonny & her mother.  I enjoyed her mother's Louisiana accent entirely too much.  It didn't really matter what she was saying, I just enjoyed hearing it. Once the Saints wrapped up the victory, Sonny & I ventured off to the O.C. where we met up with my boy Arlando.

  He was doing this reality...TV...show...type....thing and told us to come through to the club and party it up with him.  The first half of the night was a very brief fashion show. Very, very brief.  Really...concise.  It was short, basically.  In the time it took me to figure out how to word this paragraph, it was over.   Compared to the fashion show in ATL I went to a month or so back (Which will be detailed in a future post...trust me, you don't want to miss it) it was a night & day difference.

Did you blink? Cause it's over

   We didn't let the minimalist fashion show discourage us though, we stayed and fist pumped the night away (Don't read into that statement...think Jersey Shore, not masturbatory strategies) to the techno music with the predominantly Asian crowd.  Only reason I point that out was in my mind, I was expecting Orange County to be filled with blond, tanned, wealthy white girls (With a taste for chocolate...well, caramel), instead there were short, cute, fun-loving Asian chicks (With a taste for chocolate...well, caramel).

I took this pic from waist level

 

  Here are a few observations that I shared with my followers on Twitter:
- What's the point of being fat with implants...if you can't have d cups while being 40lbs over weight...give up
-  still trying to get @SonnyDani to get at that sugar daddy. She out here playing, one of these chicks bout to get they loans paid off
-She is dancing entirely too hard to be preggers...I hope that's a cheeseburger pudge
-Check the footwork, these Asian chicks are not playing around
-If u could get knocked up from dry humping.this chick would be the octo-mom by now. I feel like I should be the god father just for watching 

 While driving back to the hotel, I started to doze off a little. I was all alone on the interstate and the soul music I was listening to was a bad choice (Damn you, Al Green!!!). So after a few accidental lane changes, I was getting a little concerned about getting pulled over.  So I roll my window down and try to sing to wake myself up (I don't have to try hard to sing, I have a voice that sounds like velvet...you can actually see music notes coming out of my mouth when I sing, I'm that good) .  After about ten minutes, I see what looks to be a red light up ahead, so I slow the car down to a stop...well...the force of the car stopping was enough to cause my head to drop forward a little...waking me up to realize that I had just stopped my car in the middle of the interstate....IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INTERSTATE!  I had fallen asleep and dreamed that I was pulling up to a red light. What kind of mediocre, uneventful dream was that???  I'm thankful that the dream caused me to stop though (which is very unsafe on the interstate) and not try to run over an imaginary leprechaun and flip the car (which is very unsafe for the imaginary leprechaun on the interstate & would get me sued by the League of Imaginary Leprechauns aka LIL).  Thankfully, this happened 2 miles from the hotel, and I made it to my bed and passed out accordingly...until house keeping decided to walk in anyway.

 The next day was all sight seeing.  Sonny & I went to Venice Beach where I met Rampage Jackson (@Rampage4Real).  He was cool, just doing a little meet & greet thing at the Elite 24 basketball game that was going on.  Rampage was a lot bigger in person, I think he walks around at 230 lbs, so his head doesn't look as big as it does when he fights at 205 lbs.  Next was a trip to The Counter for their custom burgers. I noticed you could get a fried egg, a hard boiled egg, or both on a burger & when I asked the waiter about it, his answer summed it up perfectly: "If you do the hard boiled egg on hamburger, you get like a good protein bomb. I like to do the boiled egg on a chicken burger so you just OWN the chicken. You get to eat it as a baby and an adult at the same time".  Great explanation aside, I went with this:

Pineapple, Bacon, BBQ sauce, cheddar, a hard boiled egg, and a wheat bun.

 Next on the agenda was a trip to the Santa Monica pier where we saw some very lazy street performers in gold & silver body paint.  The League of Metallic Fools and Orators (or LMAO for short) must be getting lazy with their certification process.  One dude guys entire "show" was him standing there pointing at his tip cup and moving his wrists in the slightest robotic fashion while soul music played.  That was it, he did nothing else.  I felt like he should have tipped me just for walking by.

3rd Street Promenade

The two little kids were having a sand fight against each other...their parents lost.

  Saving face for the Santa Monica street performers was this dude that was flipping plates, bowls, spoons, tea cups, etc onto his head with his feet...He was the most skilled person out there.

  While watching the plate flipper, Sonny pointed out this father & son combo that needed to be chronicled. Enjoy:

I didn't even know they still made FUBU

 As the sun was setting, we went and watched the UFC event at one of the local bars. There was a Johnny Cash impersonator that was in there and kept talking to us about the fights. He was just there to cheer on James Toney...This was his reaction to that fight:

pic via ontheroadtoknowthyself.blogspot.com

  Next on the list was a trip to Hollywood.  While sitting in traffic, I noticed what I thought to be an odd sight at 12:30 am

Pedo Bear in the building!

  Sunday was the day I left Cali...It had been a long 6 days that got more and more entertaining as the week went by.  To try and tone it down a bit, I just went for a drive to El Segundo and relaxed at a sports bar during a live fantasy draft. One of the teams drafted Antonio Bryant, who was cut from the Bengals earlier that morning...it was a bold strategy.

Shout out to the MILF bartender

  Since the weather was nice, and it would be the last time for a while I would get anything like that, I decided to take a leisurely stroll down main st.

I wore my good eye patch.

  One thing I noticed about El Segundo was the "we won't settle for less", "let's make this bull shit work" attitude that the locals had. It was refreshing and to be admired. Of course, that area has a lot less liquid capitol than Santa Monica, for example, but they try.

Standard Colors is phase two

 Overall, I enjoyed myself out there and may be back at the beginning of the year for a little more organized chaos (You get bonus points if you made it all the way to the end of this very, very, very long post)