Rant: Internet Simping

  The Internet is a strange place.  Where else can you buy plane tickets, research epilepsy in dogs, & find porn all with the same tool???  The E-co system (see what I did there?) encourages behavior that can be seen as lame in real life.  I'm just trying to figure it all out.  Below are some examples with my opinion of it, let me know what your thoughts are in the comments...or not (reverse psychology).

  
The Mass Complimenter 
  The "You Catch More Flies With Honey" Technique.  This person likes hundreds of pictures and posts daily of people they find attractive.  Chances are, if you go through a pretty girl's photo album on Facebook or Instagram (same difference) you will see the same people like and/or compliment the majority of her pictures.  The real life equivalent to this is complimenting someone about their outfit everyday.  Sure, it would be nice at first, but after a week of getting "you look great", "damn, gorgeous", or "You're so fine, I'd pay money to slow dance with your ugly sister" (or whatever these people say) you'd start to look at them funny.

Fact

  In real life, this level of thirst wouldn't be tolerated.  At some point, you'd start to push that weird stalker away because the constant compliments and come on lines are making you feel uncomfortable. Of course, some people use this type of person as a confidence booster online and some use them the same way in real life. 

The Compliment Whore
  This is the person (mostly females) that post pictures of themselves daily. They aren't always attractive (you can thank Instagram's retro filter for increasing the amount of unattractive girls that fit this category), but the majority of them are.  They may be aspiring models (and by 'aspiring', I mean delusional), they may be a fashionista, or they may just be exhibitionists.  Their pictures usually are in bathroom mirrors & have captions from Nicki Minaj songs or say things like "bored", "about to hit the gym", "; )", "<3", "look how cute I am", or "do you love me know, daddy?!?".  They have a symbiotic relationship with the Mass Complimenter. 

Shout out to @iB00Gie for so graciously posting an example while I was looking for one.  She is not a compliment whore though, or any other kind that I know of.

  This is like asking for an opinion about yourself to everybody you interact with daily.  I'm not talking about a group of pretty girls getting ready to go to the club and asking "how do I look?" as they are getting dressed (Let's take a quick moment to acknowledge almost every guy's fantasy of this leading to a lesbian orgy that somehow leads to him getting a text saying "come fuck all of us").  This is more like asking "what do you think of my outfit?", "do I look cute?" to each of your friends as you see them.  Somebody would eventually shut this chick down and stop her from fishing for compliments so much, which would just push her to find other enablers. Online, however, people rarely complain and just regularly touch themselves to the pictures (not me of course...I have stolen locks of hair from hairbrushes for that).

The Amateur Journalist
  This person wants to be the first with a story.  They want to be the first to tell you that Morgan Freeman has died via Twitter (Which is ludicrous, because everybody knows Morgan Freeman is the angel of death, and thus, is incapable of dying...and has a wonderful speaking voice).  They aren't doing any of this research themselves, they aren't just retweeting the news site's report, they are reporting it.  I guess they want their tweet to be tied to people's memory of the event.  When you ask someone, "where were you when you heard Whitney Houston died?" the amateur journalist wants the response to be "well, I was sitting in traffic, checking my timeline when @uHerdItHere1st tweeted that she had passed...." 

  In real life, this is a person that gossips and passes along rumor after rumor without any semblance of evidence to back it up other than the fact that they've heard it.  People usually don't mind keeping gossipers around until they find out that they gossiper has gossiped some gossip about you with all their gossipy gossipness.

The Fake Account
  Before I get too deep into this one, let me first say that I enjoy a few parody accounts.  An account that clearly states it is made in jest, and is not trying to fool people into thinking they are real.  However, the fake account is a lot more common.  On Facebook, it's not accepted. On Twitter, nobody has an issue with it.  I just don't understand the motivation in impersonating somebody for an extended period of time if you aren't making a joke.  You have to think that the person behind this fraud is somehow financially benefiting, but it seems like they get nothing out of it but the attention they so desperately crave.  Why run a fake Will Smith twitter account and tweet motivational stuff (motivators that were stolen from other real twitter accounts)?

  This is not acceptable in real life. Identity theft is a growing issue of concern in this mobile society.  Anybody that's ever had an email address hacked or a credit card stolen knows this pain all too well. 



  What other behaviors are accepted online that would be considered spectacularly lame in real life?  Do you feel I'm off in my assessment?  Do one of these profiles describe your online personality?  Let me know in the comments.