Stuck In A Moment

  A sense of finality was found, but closer wasn't.  This led my subconscious to revisit things more than I would have chosen.  Trying to tie up loose ends, my mind continued to process the past to make better sense of things through random thoughts, memories, and dreams.  The conscious mind is a hostage to the subconscious when there is something that it's fixated on.  The only thing I could do was give my mind new problems to solve.  This quieted the voices from the past.

  Without provocation, my mind returned to this unresolved issue in a dream last night.  It started by putting me in a position that has caused conflict, however, there was no conflict to be found.  It took this positive note and followed it with a major leap, regressing things to a more amicable state. 

  At this point in the dream, I because aware that it was a dream.  You know that state where you are still dreaming, yet you can sometimes make choices & wake yourself up at will.  With this new found level of choice, I let the dream continue to play out.  I was questioned if this new amicable state was what I was looking for (more or less) & I responded.  My response was not what my subconscious expected. 


  My preference was indifference.  I don't care whether things are positive or negative.  I don't care if I'm thought of with nostalgia or disdain.  If I had my way, I just wouldn't be thought of.  This caused the confrontation that was lacking earlier in the dream.  There was then the moment of truth, where you should say what you mean & mean what you say to make your point as clear as possible.  I did that.  Now, it was my subconscious' turn to provide what it is it thinks the other side wants.

  Your subconscious records the actions of others, providing it's best guess at the motivations when they aren't provided.  This gives you the illusion of understanding (depending on how well you know them, the illusion accuracy varies).  Sometimes, it adds motivations that are impartial to what you want.  Sometimes, it tries to pull things to the way you want to see them. In the case of the latter, with lack of information and an unresolved issue, this is what I think was about to happen in my dream.

  My subconscious began by adding emotion with the tears of my foil.  Unwavering, I was prepared to hear what it wanted as it began to speak with passion, but no substance.  As the conclusion of their monologue was approaching, with my subconscious doing it's best to give itself the closure it needs...I consciously woke myself up.  It was about two hours past when I should've walked my dog, so I had to take care of him before shit hit the fan (literally).

  "Why would you do that?" is what many of you are probably wondering.  The answer is simple.  I'm indifferent.  I don't care about motivations, feelings, expectations, none of that.  I was presented with something in real life that I do care about & I addressed it by waking up and taking my dog for a walk instead of caring about something that I don't care about.

"I win, bitch!"